This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
