lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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