This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
