is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize