Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
