I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize