when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
