I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
