I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
