when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
