went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
