ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
