At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
