I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize