Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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