I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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