I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize