Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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