Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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