Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
