Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
