I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
