Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
