haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
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