my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
