Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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