My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
