you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize