There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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