My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
