Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
vagina is talking i cant
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dear god my vagina.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
