I faked an abortion last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize