I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
