I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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