i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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