i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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