Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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