There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
