I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
