why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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