You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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