someone threw a dead crab at me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
