my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
