I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the liver wants what the liver wants
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
