I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
