just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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