last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
