I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
