Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
