I wanna passion pit in your ass
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
