Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
