um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
