I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
organizing the empties. That sober.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
