he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
