Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
