please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
