youre lurking in front of me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize