Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
