Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
