I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
