you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
