I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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