Will you blow on my dice?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
