He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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