this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
