so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
