my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
