tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
