why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Im part way to drunk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
