I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
