oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
