so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
