there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
