He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think a kid would responsible me up
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
