8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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