I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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